As Hallowe'en approaches, thoughts of ghosts and spectres abound.
But there's one type of ghosting that's far more real and harmful than anything supernatural – the act of abruptly cutting off communication with someone without explanation. If you're considering ghosting someone this Hallowe'en season (or at any point!), there's a crucial piece of information you need to consider before you vanish into thin air.
Why do people ghost?
Ghosting is on the rise - starting in the online dating world, it's become an increasingly common phenomenon in a digital world where it's easier than ever to disconnect from others with the click of a button. But why do people just disappear, rather than letting the other person know what's going on? Some common reasons that ghosters have given to researchers include:
- Avoiding confrontation: Many people find direct communication about ending a relationship uncomfortable and prefer to avoid it altogether.
- Fear of hurting the other person: Ironically, some ghost because they believe it will be less painful than a direct conversation.
- Lack of investment: In casual or short-term relationships, some ghosters may feel they just don't owe the other person an explanation.
- Overwhelm: Life is busy, it can be hard to juggle staying in touch with other things that take up our time, energy and effort. Sometimes, mental and physical health challenges can make it that much harder to stay in touch.
- Self-protection: If someone fears rejection, negative reactions, and / or the weight of other people's judgement, then ghosting can feel like a 'safer' option.
While these reasons might seem valid in the moment, here's the crucial piece of information that ghosters often overlook: research by Park and Klein showed that people who ghost significantly underestimate how much their disappearance will hurt the person being ghosted.
The Impact of Ghosting
Other research has shown that the pain of being ghosted can be intense and long-lasting. An analysis of victims' experiences published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2021 found that ghosting can lead to feelings of rejection, confusion, and lowered self-esteem in the person left behind. The ambiguity of the situation – not knowing why the person disappeared – can be particularly distressing, often leading to rumination and self-doubt.
Moreover, the pain of ghosting can be compounded by what psychologists call "the need to belong." Humans are inherently social creatures with a fundamental need for connection. When someone suddenly cuts off contact, it doesn't just end a specific relationship; it can trigger deeper fears of social rejection and isolation.
What ghosters often fail to realise is that their actions can have ripple effects beyond the immediate relationship. The person ghosted may develop trust issues that affect future relationships, or they might internalise the experience, believing they're somehow unworthy of proper communication or closure.
What Can You Do Instead?
So, if you're tempted to ghost someone this Hallowe'en, consider the impact of your actions! While it might seem like an easy way out, it's rarely the kindest or most effective solution.
Instead, consider these alternatives:
- Practice empathy: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and consider how you'd feel if the situation were reversed. How would you want someone else to handle things?
- Have an honest conversation: It might be uncomfortable, but direct communication allows both parties to gain closure and move forward. People who have been ghosted say that, on balance, they would rather have an awkward chat than be left without closure.
- Set boundaries: If you need space, communicate that clearly rather than disappearing entirely.
- Seek support: If you're avoiding communication due to anxiety or fear, consider talking to a friend or therapist for guidance.
While ghosting might seem like a harmless disappearing act, its effects can haunt the person left behind long after you've vanished. This Hallowe'en, let's leave the ghosting to the supernatural realm and embrace more compassionate ways of navigating our relationships. By doing so, we not only treat others with the respect they deserve but also contribute to a culture of open, honest communication that benefits everyone in the long run.
